Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
