you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
