Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
