Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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