I heard we made out
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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