Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Text me some of your sweat
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize