whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
