Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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