In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
