the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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