Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
