Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
