How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
