dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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