Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
