You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
