so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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