Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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