Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
