I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
