I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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