I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
