you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
