Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
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