dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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