Apparently you make a good broom.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
