____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
