We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
