Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
