i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
