he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
