the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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