She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
