Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize