Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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