then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
