your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
