How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
