Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
