I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
