Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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