After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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