it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
