you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
