Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
