it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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