whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
