Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
