Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
