I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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