he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
