Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
