I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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