Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
