Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Life is so much better after having sex.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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