Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
