Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
