But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
