were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
