you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
