you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
