I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
