Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
