I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
