I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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