Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
