I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
