one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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