Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
