I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
