You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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