i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
