You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
