White coat. Heels.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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