i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
