Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
