i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
