it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
